What Defines a True Gentleman?
From my early experiences volunteering at a children's department in a cancer hospital to my mother’s teachings, the concept of a gentleman isn't as class-based as it might initially seem. This article explores the evolving definition of a gentleman and the qualities that make one stand out.
The Way of the Gentleman
My childhood experiences brought me close to the children battling cancer. Volunteering became a daily routine, and one day, a young boy's story etched a deep lesson into my heart. During my usual session with him, a nurse informed me he was being taken home. 'He is ready to go.' I was deeply moved, my usual composure fleeing as I sat on the hallway, holding back tears. Then, a tenderness I had not expected appeared. Another boy offered me a tissue, sat by my side, and remained until I could leave. He whispered, 'He will miss you too, sis!'
This moment with the other boy, the true gentleman, exemplifies the innate knowledge of knowing what to do in a heartfelt moment. Gentlemen, as I came to understand, are men who know when to be strong and when to comfort. They show not just commendable qualities, but true care and kindness.
The Historical Lens: Gentlemen and Social Class
Back in the days of William Shakespeare, the title of a gentleman was deeply tied to one’s social and economic status. Entry into the ranks of gentlemen required not only financial acumen but also a family lineage that could be traced back generations. Gentlemen were, in essence, men of birth, born into families that could instill in them a sense of pride and honor.
Yet, as societies evolved, particularly in the American and British New World, the distinctions began to blur. The term 'gentleman' expanded to include a broader range of individuals, no longer solely the preserve of the upper classes. As one witty quip put it, “We are now all of us gentlemen and none of us squires.”
The Gentleman's Code of Conduct
Civilized Manners: The true gentleman is one who consistently displays good manners, speaks well, and makes others feel at ease. It is about being observant and considerate in everyday interactions.
Ironically, in the musical "My Fair Lady," the key insight is that in England, one's class is heavily determined by their speech rather than their bank balance. Gentlemen and ladies must be both well-bred and well-mannered, even if they were not rigorously taught in such ways.
Modern Gentility: Beyond Class and Money
Being a true gentleman involves more than just having money. It is about pride in one's family heritage and the ability to behave in a way that inspires others. A true gentleman does not flaunt wealth or status but rather acts with discretion and consideration.
Money is but a tool to be used wisely. One must avoid being so obsessed with it that they display a clumsy, overly-obvious frugality. At the same time, being a money-grubber who hoards their riches is also ungentlemanly. The balance is to live within one's means and handle financial matters discreetly.
Importantly, a gentleman faces challenges with the grace of a true leader. They value responsibility and self-sufficiency. Simple actions like not being a deadbeat and living within one's income are key to maintaining a gentlemanly reputation.
Some reminders from some of the world's most respected institutions underscore the importance of this. Queen Elizabeth II taught her daughter, Princess Elizabeth, an enduring lesson: 'But! I'm a princess!' 'That you are, but first you must be a lady.'
In today's context, becoming a true gentleman requires a deep understanding of social decorum, politeness, and an inner reserve of pride. True class is not a result of wealth but a reflection of one's upbringing, knowledge, and behavior. It is a legacy that can be cultivated even when one is not born into wealth, as my mother exemplified through her own upbringing and teachings.